how i decided to choose love #namasteinlove




Just like any well written novel, we have our own plot entangled with both conflict and serenity. There are moments in between the lines where uncertainty ensues and feelings of distress arise due to the unknown.   Can we learn to control our reactions? Do you believe that you are in control of writing the next page of your novel?


I do.


Imagine if you could face every hardship with the mindset that you will not only become a stronger person for surviving but that you will actively choose to love life, love others and love yourself even more, despite what you have just gone through.  The realization that this is possible during what seems like the darkest hour presents a sense of freedom.  This ability to remove yourself from the negative allows you to be in complete control of your life.  You may not be able to control events, situations, words or actions from others but you can control your thoughts, words and actions.  You can choose to stay in love.


That’s exactly what I had to do.  When I lost my brother, my life starting to spiral out of control.  I saw the negative thoughts creeping in and filling my entire being with new energy sources that were not who I had ever been.  I became unmotivated and lazy and lacked an appetite yet was gaining weight from all the wrong calories and not exercising at all, which led to even more negative self talk.  I did not talk about what was going on internally to anyone yet I am sure some people close to me knew the truth.  I was convinced that I had everyone tricked into thinking that I was strong and knew how to grieve properly.


The thing is, no one talks about death.  I remember every time my phone died for months after my brother passed, I cringed when I thought the word “died” and I could not say it out loud.  I had to change my verbiage to “my phone doesn’t have any power left”.


I wasn’t taught how to handle death or helpful tools during the grieving process in school.  I had never read books that helped navigate or understand or challenge afterlife (but I have read many now).  So I had no clue what to do other than what I have always done in tough situations; run from my feelings and pretend that everything is okay.


Until it wasn’t okay.


Getting back on my mat made me face my feelings whether I was ready or not.  The practice is funny in that way.  It just shows up like, “Hey! Time to pay attention to me!”.  I am so thankful that this is how yoga works.  I started to realize that I was being selfish.  Here I was, given LIFE and I frankly, I was throwing it away.  I wasted time when time is so extremely valuable.


This is when I turned to LOVE.  I decided that I would love myself every single day; through mistakes and successes of the past and the present, through negative and positive thoughts and reactions, through thick and thin: I will forever be my best friend.

Thought:  Isn’t it ironic that some call self-love seflish?


Once I decided to love myself first, I could then lend love to others and to life!  I started seeing everything differently, from the colors in the sky to the trees that I drove by everyday but never truly saw to the laugh lines on people’s faces walking down the street.


Losing my brother was the absolute worse thing that has ever happened to me but I choose every single day to LOVE.  Will you join me?

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